Like the sky today, I am leaden with promise. There are new images in my mind, new materials. I want to try different things, to work in wax and wood, combining textures and forms with the metal for depth, variation, subtlety and shock. There is a storm brewing in me. But I am also leaden with the storm brewing in the world, trying hard not to let my fear of it be the impetus for my creative release.
I have been thinking a great deal about fear lately, how insidious it is, and relentless. All of us seem to be waiting for a storm of unreal proportion and for me, the waiting is the worst. Not knowing wreaks havoc with any sense of power or control so I find myself planning — worst case, best case, everything in between — and imagining all the various scenarios.
I used to play a lot of chess. Focusing not on the board in front of me, but on all the moves that might be made, I plotted action and reaction to any number of potential strategies. I live my life that way too because, in spite of all my best attempts to fully embrace the alternative, it is more natural for me to live in my memories and imaginings than it is to live in the present.
Strangely, it is the present that I sculpt. Through my art, I am fully present in my life and when I am working, I am content. I am thinking that I should take a lesson from this, focus on my every day life and leave the storm to do what it will. Still, this storm is so big, and the anticipation so intense that I feel lost. How do I work toward my ideal when the world feels so dark? How to I not let current events pull me into their winds? How do I turn fear into beauty this time?